are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
