he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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