smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When are your genitals available?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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