areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
