I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
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Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
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I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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