i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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