whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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