So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
