how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
