found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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