I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we have pet lesbian snakes
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
