I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
