a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
