Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
