I seem to have left my pride at pride
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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