I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
