We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
