someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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