he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
