My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
