fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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