she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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