My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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