I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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