Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
