Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
