God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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