So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
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i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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