i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
