i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
