my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
