My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
