Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
