nut hugger
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
