So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
