How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
