you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
