If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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