U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
