you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
