Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
