I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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