I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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