: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
