Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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