The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
