The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
