I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
