Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
