real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
