i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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