Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
