remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
