I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
