my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
