WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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