People in love make me want to vomit
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
