In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
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I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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