i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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