ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
