I looked at my own cervix.
zippers are such a cool invention
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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