We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
