oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
