im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
