I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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