you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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