Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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