its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
