I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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