We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
