hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize