White coat. Heels.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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