like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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