On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
