he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
