We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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