i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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