Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
