Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
