Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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