Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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