how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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