Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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