I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
