I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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