dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
