im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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