look no pants
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
