Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
